Goal: Use some complex sentences to create page, flow and interest. Use a range of written features; e.g metaphors, similes, onomatopoeia.
Wild West mystery
Some say, Lochiel is a town full of death and destruction. A dark, deserted town with the population of 53 people. Our story starts before this town had its doubts, this mystery starts with a……
“BANG!” The ear blistering gun fires from a finger that has pulled the trigger of death.
“Well done Jackson!”
“Thank you Bob, my shooting skills are better each time I pull that trigger!” The two silently looked at the dead cow, blood trickling down it’s spine. As the air gently pulled at the cow, Jackson walked over to his dull, docile horse, smelling the air surrounding him. His hand slid across the horse’s body then smoothly touched the horse’s bony cheek.
“You know, that horse should be let free in the wild,” a small delicate voice whispered along the wind.
“Excuse me?” Jackson looked around not knowing where that voice had come from.
A head peeped out of the shadows of an old, rusty saloon.
“Oh it’s you.” Jackson smirked rolling his eyes.
“Yes Jackson, and I also wanted to tell you this,” there was a long pause, “just don’t tell anyone, but my senses say that there is something going on in this town, something strange. And I fear it is something to do with the horses.”
“Your senses, eh Ivy? Well-”But before he could say anything else, Ivy interrupted him, “Yes my senses. They NEVER lie! Just look out.” Ivy spoke with a solemn tone then vanished back into the shadows.
“Huh, something strange is going on?” Jackson asked himself, doubting Ivy’s words.
Jackson walked into the saloon. And as usual, Barbra was arranging the drinks.
“Fancy seeing you here.” Barbra gave Jackson a clever stare.👀
“Yes Barbra; may I have the Rattlesnake Supreme please?” Jackson asked for his drink, then walked helplessly out of the stinking bar. Jackson slid his feet along the dull, dirt path. His face expressionless from what Ivy had told him.
“Maybe I shouldn’t of thought she was just being silly. Maybe there is something strange going on here,” Jackson murmured to himself.
His eyes gazed into the distance. “I’d better get home,” He said and gently walked across the rusty ground until he reached a tall building, his home.
The next morning, Jackson sprang out of his bed covers and ran outside to feel the sunshine touch his crooked nose. He thought of saying to Ivy that he was sorry to not believe her, but also half of him thought that Ivy was just being that old Ivy that was the little trickster!
Before he could think anymore, he saw someone in the distance walking towards him. And sure enough it was the red headed girl that told him something strange was going on in this town, Ivy.
“What are you doing here, eh?” Jackson looked at Ivy challengingly
“Oh nothing, I was just wondering if I could borrow some apples. My horse, Blue, is very hungry.” Ivy ignored Jackson’s glare.
“Well then, there is a bag of fresh, red apples at the door,” He replied, confused that Ivy had asked him for some apples instead on an apology.
“Oh and Ivy...I’m sorry that I didn’t really believe you yesterday.” Jackson blurted out.
“Yes, thank you Jackson. Anyway so-” But before she could finish, Jackson cut off what Ivy was saying, “Look, I know there is something strange going on, I can feel it and see it too.” Jackson was being truthful. Earlier yesterday at the bar, strange new people were having some drinks.
“Oh so now you believe me?!” Ivy crossed her arms.
“Ivy don’t play this game with me.” Jackson said seriously.
Ivy looked at Jackson with a flare anxiety.
“Look, we have to do something about this.” Ivy said.
“Ok then. And also, I saw some weird strangers in the saloon bar yesterday. So I think I know where to start.” Ivy shot a surprised glance at Jackson as he spoke.
“What do you mean start. We can’t just search the town for some random people that we think are strangers and evil to this town.” Ivy had a point, but Jackson knew THAT something strange...was going on.
Jackson felt himself cringe. He looked around in the deserted, ghost town. Memories passed through his mind. A shadowed figure stood in front of him, holding a gun. No one was there, only the mysterious man and himself. Then suddenly, BANG, BANG!! Jackson fell to the solid ground a-
Jackson rapidly pushed himself out of his bed covers, Breathing loudly. His heart was pounding, that dream was almost REAL!
It was the middle of the night, 12:26. Jackson lifted his tired body out of the crooked bed. He slipped on his dressing gown and walked out of his room.
The door lead him to the kitchen. Jackson pulled open the fridge door and grabbed a bowl of dry, tasteless yogurt. As he was about to dig the spoon into the bowl of yogurt, he felt something slide down his back. He went to go touch it, but it moved away.
“How dare you speak of me.” A voice whispered into his ear.
“WHO”S THERE!!” Jackson yelled, scared and confused.
“Oh you know who’s here, Jackson, you know.” The voice continued.
Jackson heard a gun being pulled out of a pocket. Jackson looked around breathing heavily. Then, without any warning, the lights shimmed then flicked off.
“Look, WHO are you!” Jackson’s fingers were trembling.
“For the last time, YOU know who I am.” The voice replied.
Jackson bounded over to the front door then briskly swung the door open. He sprung outside to feel the moonlight touch his face. Jackson turned around. And there standing in front of him, 2 meters away, was the dark figure he had seen in his dream.
“I told you Jackson…..” the man said.
Jackson slid out his gun. It was in his dressing gown in case of an emergency.
“Jackson, you shouldn’t shoot me, you see, you can’t just search for random people that you think are evil, and strangers to the town. And it would be awful if you even shot them.” The figure repeated Ivy’s words.
“Ho, how, how did you know?” Jackson then realized that, the man had been watching him all along.
Jackson and the man were just standing in front of each other. Jackson just wished that Ivy was here, she would help with this confusing situation. The man in front of him shot 2 warning shots up into the air. The noise was so deafening, that almost the whole town could hear it. Jackson watched all of the lights turn on in every house nearby.
“Jackson, prepare to die.” The man spoke.
“NO!” Jackson shouted.
Everyone in the town were opening the door of their houses and watching the stand off. Ivy was one of them. She was looking at Jackson with sympathy.
“Oh look at that Jackson, it’s your time to shine!” The man stood out from the shadows, immediately, Jackson recognized the thin, pale man from the bar he had seen with a bunch of strangers.
Jackson didn’t care though. He stared at the man fired a bullet into his direction. “BANG BANG!” But it missed the man as he ducked under, and instead the bullet went straight through Jackson’s house roof.
“Ooh, better think more carefully next time ya shoot, eh?” The man teased.
Jackson just ignored him, and when the man was looking at the audience of people (showing off about his attitude), Jackson pointed his gun straight at the man then,”BaNg, BaNg!!” A pitch, black bullet bombed out of Jackson’s gun, and hit the man straight through the stomach.
The man was wheezing heavily, trying to breath as HARD as he could. But Jackson had killed the man with one shot.
“T-t-his iiis-n’t t-the end…..” The man wheezed. Shocked murmurs rose from the crowd of people.
From then onwards the town made Jackson sheriff. They said that he was the bravest of the brave in Lochiel, the crazy, dark town.
Summary: I think that I achieved my interest goal, but I don’t think I used that many similes, metaphors but I did use a few onomatopoeia. I liked my story because it was quite mysterious and I used a lot of new words to make this story. I used the dictionaries and stuff like that.
